In Defense of "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

A controversial(?) holiday opinion.

Dean Martin and (a woman who is not) Marilyn Maxwell.

I’m here to take the brave, iconoclastic stance that “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is a good Christmas song.

The version by Dean Martin and Marilyn Maxwell is particularly iconic. Martin is one of classic pop’s finest entertainers, and while this is the only song I’ve ever heard Maxwell sing, sure let’s call her that, too. It’s charming, fun, and undeniably wintry.

This didn’t used to be a controversial opinion. But since about 2018, the cool, internet-y thing to do is point out that the song’s lyrics are lightly problematic. In fact, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” might have been the only institution to suffer lasting consequences from #MeToo cancellation—by which I mean an aggressively cringey rewritten version recorded by John Legend and Kelly Clarkson.

The argument against the original song is that if you add a bit of modern-day subtext to the lyrics, it feels like the male singer is pressuring the female singer into unwanted romance. This makes perfect sense—as long as you’re a person who has never been kissed. For those of us who have successfully traversed our sexual awakenings, it should be pretty clear what’s happening here: two people who very much want to do it with each other are tip-toeing around the subject in a holly-jolly fashion. It’s flirtation, not coercion.

Of course, even that interpretation isn’t really true to the song’s roots. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was written by composer Frank Loesser and his wife Lynn Garland. Here’s Wikipedia with more, based on accounts written by the Loessers’ daughter, Susan:

In 1944, Loesser wrote "Baby, It's Cold Outside" to sing with his wife, Lynn Garland, at their housewarming party in New York City at the Navarro Hotel.¹ They sang the song to indicate to guests that it was time to leave.

Garland has written that after the first performance, "We became instant parlor room stars. We got invited to all the best parties for years on the basis of 'Baby.' It was our ticket to caviar and truffles. Parties were built around our being the closing act."

So reduced to its basics, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is a song that a married couple wrote to shoo people out of their parties. Do we really need to parse it more deeply than that? It’s kind of like canceling “We Three Kings” for being pro-monarchy. Or “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” because it normalizes workplace bullying. I don’t want to draw too many broad conclusions here, but this kind of thing might be why people hate the wokes.

Of course, it’s fair to say the lyrics haven’t aged perfectly. What felt cheeky in 1944 might feel out of touch now. But we shouldn’t toss it out entirely! Let’s be honest: there are only about ten decent Christmas songs as it is. The real tragedy of canceling “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is that it means more spins for unlistenable dreck like “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime.” Or do you prefer one of those Michael Buble originals that are scientifically formulated to be played in malls?

It doesn’t have to be that way! “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is charming, funny, and, perhaps the only sexy Christmas song ever written. (Unless “O Holy Night” really gets your rocks off.) Maybe we don’t need to overthink this one.

If you disagree, well—there’s the door. But warning: baby, it’s bad out there 😘.

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What do you think?

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MORE FROM CHORTLE

1. A housewarming party at a hotel? (Heavy Italian accent) Only in New York!!