Things My Lawnmower Does Better than Me
Even my John Deere has its life together
New writer alert! During the day, James A. Miller works to make the machines do what they are supposed to do. At night, he spends time with his family and does his best to come up with fun and creative fiction. He blogs about his writing struggle at breakingintothecraft.com.
Cutting grass.
Using a razor-sharp blade without hurting itself.
Passing over fresh dog poop, leaving it untouched and intact without getting any on itself.
Throwing a rock at the velocity of a bullet through my most expensive window (which still costs less than my insurance deductible).
Not caring what my neighbor Walt thinks about where the grass clippings are going.
Not feeling jealous of how big and expensive the other neighborhood lawn mowers are.
Smoking without coughing.
Ignoring concerns about running out of oil, internally or on a global scale.
Fearlessly taking down a flower bed without second-guessing where it went wrong.
Not thinking about who was at fault in the divorce, and why it was probably me.
Going to work without first talking to a therapist.
Not fantasizing about quitting its job and moving to Ecuador just to skirt alimony and piss off Cindy.
Never wondering if people pity it for being alone.
Ignoring the voice of my inner child, which sounds strangely like my father telling me where I failed in life.
Mulching.
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Thanks everyone for the likes and fun comments.
Appreciate the laughs! Nice work