Fact-checking claims made by my toddler
He's almost two years old. He should know the truth matters.
I didn’t watch the presidential debate this week, but it seems to have turned out more or less like I predicted. Nothing earth-shattering happened, even if the general consensus is that Kamala Harris wiped the floor with Donald Trump. That’s unsurprising, since she seems like a person with reasonable mental faculties, and Trump is Trump.
But what was surprising were the lies! The sheer number of them, certainly, but also the complete detachment from reality that they revealed.
I’m not talking about Trump, obviously. That guy does nothing but lie. I would honestly be shocked to hear him call water wet.1 No, I mean my two-year-old toddler, who is now walking and talking and LYING with aplomb. Since other outlets have already thoroughly fact-checked Trump, please allow me to fact-check what my son Theo said Tuesday night instead.
“Ba.”
When Theo made this claim, he was pointing at a ball. Then he went and picked up the ball. Therefore, we have rated this claim as TRUE.
“Ba.”
After playing with the ball, Theo put it down and walked away from it, which might lead one to believe this is a lie. But he proceeded to find his bottle and drink water.
Therefore, we have rated this claim as TRUE.
“Go go go go go.”
Theo was standing still for the first four words of this claim, meaning that 80% of the times he said the word “go,” he was not going anywhere at all. Therefore, we have rated this claim as MOSTLY FALSE.
“Dadah.”
Theo was walking directly in the opposite direction of his father when he said this. He did not turn around, even when his father asked, “What’s up, bud?” Therefore, we have rated this claim as FALSE.
“Mah. Dah.”
By this point, Theo was laying his head on Mack the Dog. It was really cute.
Therefore, we have rated this claim as TRUE.
“In Springfield, they are eating the dogs. The people that came in, they are eating the cats. They’re eating – they are eating the pets of the people that live there.”
I gotta stop letting this kid watch Fox News.
“Well, it’s interesting. We’re looking into it. Nobody has ever really thought about water that way before, so we’re the first. But it’s nice, isn’t it?”
Hard hitting journalism I expect from Chortle.
This morning V (3) said that if we held a birthday party in our backyard, the bees would take the presents and turn them into honey. At first, I found the claim egregious, but now I'm second guessing myself. Could it be possible? Probably not worth taking the risk, right?