Democrats, Republicans, and the mascots they actually deserve
Donkeys and elephants are passé.
Democracy is a circus.
That’s the general premise that inspired Thomas Nast, America’s first notable political cartoonist, to represent the Republican party as an elephant and the Democratic party as a donkey in his Reconstruction-era illustrations. These cartoons were so popular that Nast’s animal emblems have stuck around for 150 years. They’ve even been unofficially adopted as mascots by the parties themselves, despite the fact that Nast was originally intending to mock them.1
But the specific animals don’t really work anymore, do they?
Donkeys are stubborn, immovable. But the Democratic candidate has walked back some of her previous policy positions so far that she ought to install a rear-view camera for safety. A woman who once positioned herself as vaguely leftist now hangs out with the Cheney family! Meanwhile, I don’t think real donkeys can walk backward at all. (I’m not willing to Google it, though.)
Elephants never forget. Not to be unkind, but the Republican candidate appears to be deep in the throes of dementia. In a less literal sense, JD Vance has apparently forgotten most of his public statements (and private communiques) from 2016 and 2020. He’s far from the only Trump-era Republican to memory-hole his principles in pursuit of power.
The donkey and the elephant deserve dignified trips to the nearest glue factory/piano key emporium (respectively). But obviously, we need some sort of metaphor to replace them in political cartoons and on oversized novelty buttons. Thomas Nast was clearly onto something with animal mascots if they’ve lasted as long as they have.
In my mind, Democrats are a bit like a goldfish: always moving forward, but mostly by accident. As soon as an issue swims out of view, they forget it completely. They’re also like sheep, though. They try to move in one big flock, but ultimately they’re easily picked off by wolves and/or inflammatory rhetoric about homeless people. However, I really think Democrats are an emotional support dog. They’re expensive, needy, and actually work as promised maybe 10% of the time.
On the other hand, Republicans are obviously an aggressive animal. The first instinct is a bull in a china shop—but no one buys fine china anymore, and a raging bull is the picture of self-discipline compared to Donald Trump. Honey badgers are pissy jerks who don’t give a crap about the world around them, which seems about right in terms of general “mouthfeel.” But no, I think Republicans are an ostrich—known for sticking their heads in the sand, possessing a hellacious defensive kick, and among the stupidest animals alive.
To take our new American mascots for a test drive, I used MidJourney to create the first political cartoon of this bold new era in symbolism.
What do we think, folks? Cast your vote on the best animal mascot for each political party below.
MORE POLITICAL HUMOR
You can read more about this in my doctoral thesis, “Things the American Political Parties Have in Common with the 1980’s Brat Pack.”
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