Corrections to Our Previous Coverage

Pobody's nerfect.

Chortle is proud to say that our editorial record has a 99.9% accuracy rating. However, all publications err from time to time and are forced to issue corrections for these minor mistakes.

Looking back on the past year of posts, we found the following errors in need of emendation:

• A story about the spawning habits of sockeye salmon included a reference to the 1977 Meat Loaf single “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.” However, the study that claims salmon prefer classic rock for lovemaking has since been thoroughly debunked by the scientific community.

• In an interview with Russian composer Sergei Rachmaninoff about the highlights in the upcoming New York Philharmonic concert season, we neglected to clarify that the conductor and pianist died in 1943 and the interview was conducted via séance. Thought you guys could figure that one out on your own, but whatevs.

• The advice column that ran shortly after the Autumnal Equinox was technically error-free. But upon reflection, we would have recommended a different course of action to Gabrielle M., since a diligent reader pointed out that pigs-in-a-blanket might not be the most appropriate hors d’oeuvres to serve at a bris.

• A reprint of a 1921 strip of the comic Krazy Kat contained over-aggressive censorship on our part. It turns out “Li’l Ainjil” is not, nor has it ever been, a slur for Canadian men.

• Our photo coverage of the Met Gala included a caption misidentifying Elvis actor Austin Butler. His stripper name should have been his favorite ice cream flavor plus the street address of his first ophthalmologist (Vanilla Montana); we regret the printing of his favorite froyo topping plus the email address of his friend’s orthodontist instead (Strawberries Contact@SmileFactory.fr).

• The final box score we included in coverage of the April 12th Major League Baseball game between the Toronto Blue Jays and the Baltimore Orioles did not include one error, which means it therefore included an extra error, as it should have included two errors.

• Our horoscope for the month of January misinterpreted the influence of Neptune on Pisces’ romantic lives. Honestly, we had kind of a rough December and totally misread the movements of the planets. We’re legally protected from lawsuits, but if anyone filed for divorce based on our printed predictions—our bad.

• Chortle Cooking subscribers were sent a recipe for chicken pot pie that included some unfortunate typos:

  • Anywhere we said tbsp, we meant tsp.

  • Anywhere we said 7, we meant 1.

  • Anywhere we said shred, we meant chop.

  • Anywhere we said water chestnuts, we meant pearl onions.

• A review of the local high school production of Mame mentioned the original Broadway show and perpetuated a common mistake: Angela Lansbury refers to the award-winning actor; Lansbury’s Monster is the creature.

• Earlier in this corrections piece, we backed off our initial claim that sockeye salmon enjoy the powerful melodies, catchy choruses, and impactful guitar effects typically associated with classic rock. That was wrong. New research done by the Chortle deep investigative marine biology team strongly supports the idea that sockeye salmon absolutely love jamming out to 1970s arena rock, and it’s not our fault if no other scientific body in the world can replicate our findings. We apologize only for doubting ourselves in the first place.

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Final(?) Pledge Drive Update

Editor’s Note: Ok, I know I said that yesterday was the last day of the Drive to Survive, BUT… we’re less than $100 from our goal!

Thanks to an extremely generous weekend from Chortle readers, we can hit our fundraising goal with two paid upgrades or one new LOLigarch.

Wouldn’t it be satisfying to fill those red bars? Wouldn’t it be swell to see the little greaser man finally blow this damn town and light the whole place aflame?

One last time (for real): please support the Drive to Survive!

And big, huge shouts to our three newest LOLigarchs: Patrick D., Larry W., and Ellen W. My gratitude also goes out to the folks who upgraded to paid subscriptions over the weekend: Stephen S., JP D., Hunter G., Ben M., and Ryan H.

Plus, David N. and Ellen W. purchased gift subscriptions! (Thanks, Mom and Dad.)

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