7-Eleven Apologizes for Our April Fool's Posts
Our Metrics Were Strong, Our Moral Compass Was Not
To our valued customers, employees, and shareholders:
On behalf of 7-Eleven, Inc. and its parent company Seven & i Holdings Co., Ltd., the board of directors wishes to extend our sincere apologies regarding the social media posts that appeared earlier today as part of our Summer Slurpee Experience promotional campaign for April Fool’s Day.
Our goal was to showcase Slurpee through a hilarious and shocking viral prankvertising campaign. However, after careful review of feedback provided by 7-Eleven community members and several human rights organizations, we recognize that these efforts significantly missed the mark.
To be clear, the Summer Slurpee Experience is an entirely fictional event. 7-Eleven retail locations have no plans to secede from the United States of America. Our posts were intended to spark conversation around the many tongue-tingling flavors of Slurpee, not to foment violence.
Further, it is not 7-Eleven's official position that anyone who doesn't like Citrus Berry Slurpees “should go back where they came from.” This statement is inconsistent with our corporate values. 7-Eleven welcomes customers of all Slurpee flavor preferences.
We also acknowledge that, although Green Apple Watermelon and Sour Grape are two very different flavors, it was wrong to ask 7-Eleven social media followers to “choose a side in the race war.” We have taken down the poll and regret the use of inflammatory language.
Additionally, our legal department has demanded we issue the following clarifications:
7-Eleven does not condone the idea that “in some ways, Pearl Harbor was a good thing.”
The phrase “Slurp my D” should not have made it through our editorial process, regardless of the intended context.
Neither Seven & i Holdings Co., Ltd. nor any of its subsidiaries has discovered a new clue regarding the whereabouts of JonBenet Ramsey.
The Slurpee brand is unlikely to have any special insights into the Israel-Palestine conflict.
We are deeply committed to rebuilding trust with our customers and communities. Our brand consultants, who charge rates normally associated with specialized neurosurgery, are already workshopping even more desperate attempts for engagement next April 1st.
Today's campaign fell short of our standards, but like our corporate fellows, 7-Eleven remains fully dedicated to creating disruptive brand activations. Thank you for your understanding as we continue our journey toward unparalleled customer confusion.
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But that business about the new JalapeñoBerry flavor is true -- unlimited refills if it makes you blind.
I was startled, aghast, confused and very very unnerved. Like, what the fuck could 7-11 have done?? Got about half way through their apology before I was able to calm down and relax you know breath a sigh of relief because I realized it was Chortle and fucking April 1st. Respects. 👍