Welcome to Trump International Gaza Resort
Where Displacement Meets Luxury
Dear Valued Guest,
Welcome to the brand-new Trump International Gaza Resort™, where 2 million displaced residents recently made way for your unparalleled luxury experience.
For decades, so-called “experts” tried to bring peace to Gaza through diplomacy, humanitarian aid, and political solutions. But they all failed to consider the one thing that could truly unite this region: a Signature Ultra-Luxury Resort Experience.
ACCOMMODATIONS
Our gorgeous beachfront property represents the finest in historically atrocious travel. Each opulently appointed guest suite occupies the former site of a generational family home. Enjoy the majesty of history from a king-size bed, as you consider that human civilization began in this very spot.
Now, it has 3,000 gold toilets!
DINING
In the mood for local cuisine? Select from our world-class menu set by executive chef, Vivek Ramaswamy, who needed a job and is Middle Eastern or something.
PROPERTY AMENITIES
141 square miles of prime contested territory.
Stunning beach views, previously hidden behind various hospitals.
Three championship golf courses built atop former refugee camps.
A spa complex utilizing authentic hot rubble massage.
I’m happy you’re joining us for a new era of unprecedented luxury, and therefore peace, in this historically mismanaged region. And remember, VIP drilling rights are still available starting at $25 million, payable via direct cash bribe.
Yours,
Donald J. Trump
Supreme Hotelier
*Resort fees and forced relocation surcharges may apply. Not responsible for claims of ethnic cleansing or violations of international law.
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Jeff wrote Monday’s piece, Forgotten Baseball Nicknames, Explained, which I accidentally ran under my byline. I do not want to steal Jeff’s valor, so please redirect your laughter his way! Sorry, Jeff!
Satire at its finest!
"hot rubble massage"
it's the little things ; )