10 Drama-Free Thanksgiving Conversation Starters

Chortle is here to help you avoid holiday unpleasantness.

I’ve been searching for some kind of symbolism in the fact that Thanksgiving follows shortly on the heels of every federal election. That timing can make it hard to feel grateful. Theoretically, a holiday spent with loved ones over a hearty meal should reinvigorate us, but that’s easier in theory than in practice.

Holidays mean family, which often further means people who disagree sharing the same room. And sadly, there are hardly any conversation topics left that haven’t been dragged into the ongoing culture wars. Sports used to be a safe harbor, but now the athletes are so famous and the leagues are such big businesses that they’re intertwined with nearly every political issue. The weather, a classic small talk subject of yore, now opens the door to either a) depressing acknowledgment or b) angry denial of the ongoing climate crisis. Meanwhile, the machine that generates impossibly inane things we simply must argue about appears impossible to turn off.

But Chortle is here for you. After wracking our brains for months on end, the editorial staff has generated this list of ways to start a conversation with anyone, yet still avoid interpersonal unpleasantness this holiday.

Drama-Free Thanksgiving Conversation Starters

1. “Have you noticed the sky is up this week?”

2. “Personally, I believe that dogs and cats are not the same.”

3. “Clothes! Am I right?”

4. “This meal is not the first I’ve eaten, and if I have my way, it won’t be the last either.”

5. “Time certainly continues to move forward this evening.”

6. “Children are younger than adults, wouldn’t you agree?”

7. “Pass the water. It’s necessary for all carbon-based lifeforms.”

8. “The number of chairs here is ideal. Then again, perhaps not.”

9. “Yum! Some portion of this was delicious.”

10. “I hate the Dallas Cowboys.”

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