This Summer's Blockbuster Movies
An incomplete and inaccurate preview.
If you’re anything like me, you were bewildered to hear that a new Star Wars came out this past weekend. Or perhaps you’re bewilderedly hearing about it for the first time now!
Either way, Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu opened to great success at the box office, and officially kicked off summer blockbuster season — despite my complete lack of awareness that it existed, or in fact, that summer was arriving at all. (It turns out that time waits for no man who is arguing with his son about dinner.)
Luckily, there’s still time to preview the rest of the season’s most hotly anticipated movies.
Disclosure Day
79-year-old director Steven Spielberg returns with quite possibly the last original idea that Hollywood will ever produce. Following a TV weather reporter (Emily Blunt) who reveals the presence of alien life on Earth, this film is a period piece that’s set in a time when people still watched the news.
Toy Story 5
In this highly anticipated sequel, Andy goes through puberty, which leads Woody and Buzz to experience their own sexual awakening thanks to some new “toys” he brings home to the bedroom. Rated X.
Masters of the Universe
A movie based on a toy made by the company where my wife works??? Of course I’ll be there! I would never make a joke at this film’s expense, no matter how much Jared Leto is included.
Supergirl
Visionary filmmaker James Gunn puts his inimitable stamp on the DC Superhero Universe by posing an insightful and challenging question: What if Superman had boobs?
Moana
Despite the success of the animated Moana, many pundits wonder whether this live-action reboot will be able to capture the magic of the original, which really had audiences believing that The Rock can act.
The Odyssey
Christopher Nolan’s adaptation of Homer’s epic poem has faced controversy for anachronistic creative choices, such as when Odysseus gets stuck waiting at the Straight of Hormuz. A poor box office showing might mean trouble for the sprawling, interconnected HCU (Homer Cinematic Universe), which is set to include sequels and spin-offs like Achilles: Endgame and Captain Marble.
Spider-Man: Brand New Day
Spider-Man is back! The world’s favorite webslinger returns in this movie that features no script and no actors — just wall-to-wall computer graphics of a red-and-blue humanoid doing backflips for 170 minutes. Early tracking puts the box office estimate at $15 trillion dollars.
PAW Patrol: The Dino Movie
Small children across my household are already eager to fall asleep after watching the first twenty minutes of this.
Bonus: The movie that I am actually excited about, and will go out of my way to see in theaters this summer? You better believe it’s Jackass: Best and Last!
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I often wonder what news anchors will sound like in 50 more years while announcing confirmed alien life on the news in movies.