POLL: What Do Rich Assholes Think of the Economy?

We surveyed hundreds of wealthy jerks to find out how they're really feeling.

Photo by John McFetridge on Unsplash

With economic anxiety on the rise, Americans are looking for clear signals about where the country is headed. Rising inequality, trade tensions, and questions about AI valuations have left many worried about their financial security.

To get a read on the current moment, we polled 304 extravagantly rich assholes about their economic outlook. Their answers may surprise you.

• 97% of rich assholes feel generally optimistic about the economy.

• 34% of rich assholes regret that their maid has recently been deported.

• 12% of rich assholes are concerned about a modern-day “storming of the Bastille.”

• 86% of rich assholes feel that you have nothing to complain about.

• 47% of rich assholes are worried about tariffs affecting the trade of black-market endangered species.

• 70% of rich assholes feel that money CAN buy happiness.

• 66% of rich assholes didn’t understand the movie Parasite.

• 29% of rich assholes don’t really know how to use their phones.

• 58% of rich assholes just got new boats!

• 73% of rich assholes get their news from an X account named @CryptoTradDad.

• 4% of rich assholes can’t shake the creeping suspicion that their ungodly wealth will be their final undoing.

• 100% of rich assholes feel satisfied with the level of protection they’re currently being provided by the U.S. government.

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