Police Blotter From My Son's Toy Cars
This week's incident reports from the living room.
TRAFFIC VIOLATION: Officers observed vehicle traveling at high speed along homemade ramp before going airborne off the edge of a tilted copy of Goodnight Moon. Suspect still at large.
MISSING VEHICLE: Report of missing white pickup truck. Vehicle later found in bathtub. Suspected DWI (Driving While Infantile). Investigation ongoing. Suspect still at large.
TRAFFIC OBSTRUCTION: Rapid Rescue Fire Truck with Real-Action Ladder stalled in middle of hallway. Attempts to remove vehicle were met with repeated screaming. Road remains closed. Suspect still at large.
NOISE COMPLAINT: Multiple units dispatched after reports of continuous siren noises from Rapid Rescue Fire Truck with Real-Action Ladder, even after parents specifically requested that all emergency personnel stop pressing the button. Request ignored. Suspect still at large.
PURSUIT SUSPENDED: High-speed chase along Hot Wheels Track Road abandoned after suspect vehicle went under couch. Officers unable to follow. Case closed.
ASSAULT AND BATTERY: World-famous racecar Lightning McQueen found upside down with rear spoiler removed. Suspect still at large.
DISPATCH UNABLE TO RESPOND: Reports received of mysterious blue-cars-only restriction on living room rug. Investigation incomplete. All available units were red. Red is NOT ALLOWED on RUG! Suspect still at large.
REPORTED DINOSAUR: All units responded to dinosaur in intersection. Dinosaur left peacefully. Suspect still at large.
MASS CASUALTY EVENT: 47-car pileup reported on living room rug. Cause appears to have been excessive fruit snack consumption. Fire department, ambulances, tow trucks all responded. Recovery operations safely retrieved Magna-Tiles, stuffed Bluey from wreckage. Suspect in time out.
Big thanks!
I want to give a shoutout to two paid subscribers who have joined Chortle in recent days: Colette and Scott! I genuinely appreciate receiving support from two people as obviously smart and good-looking as you are. Thank you!
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Sorry to have missed all this excitement. I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam in the bottom of this toy bin since this kid was 7 and stopped playing with his cars. It’s been 8 years now and Waze just keeps looking for alternate routes.
Call for help
pretty lawless precinct you're running there. can you get some support from the feds??