Sorry to have missed all this excitement. I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam in the bottom of this toy bin since this kid was 7 and stopped playing with his cars. It’s been 8 years now and Waze just keeps looking for alternate routes.
After a long and emotionally exhausting investigation into a wave of reckless vehicular behavior, HPD has concluded the following:
✅ The child is not responsible.
✅ The vehicles are not responsible.
✅ The laws of physics are negotiable.
❌ The parents are 100% responsible and will be dealt with accordingly.
As of this morning, both parents have been booked, processed, and fingerprinted (with washable marker on construction paper. They have been charged with:
Failure to Control a Tiny Driver
Negligent Ramp Construction
Allowing Chaos with no supervision
Parents are currently being held without bail in the Laundry Room Detention Center, where they will remain until they apologize sincerely and stop asking, “Why are you doing this?”
Meanwhile, the suspect—described as small, fast, sticky, and fueled entirely by fruit snacks and has been left alone at home, free to operate without adult interference.
Sorry to have missed all this excitement. I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam in the bottom of this toy bin since this kid was 7 and stopped playing with his cars. It’s been 8 years now and Waze just keeps looking for alternate routes.
Call for help
Should have invested in more tow trucks…
pretty lawless precinct you're running there. can you get some support from the feds??
Not these days!
I can't imagine what you pay for toy car insurance
It’s criminal…
dinosaur reported to be “SCARY. TOO SCARY.”
This one made me laugh out loud repeatedly. Xox
We have the same kind of hooliganism at our place, send dispatch! 🤣
Hmm must be some kind of international conspiracy…
So very funny, and brought back so many memories.
Thanks Lynn!
After a long and emotionally exhausting investigation into a wave of reckless vehicular behavior, HPD has concluded the following:
✅ The child is not responsible.
✅ The vehicles are not responsible.
✅ The laws of physics are negotiable.
❌ The parents are 100% responsible and will be dealt with accordingly.
As of this morning, both parents have been booked, processed, and fingerprinted (with washable marker on construction paper. They have been charged with:
Failure to Control a Tiny Driver
Negligent Ramp Construction
Allowing Chaos with no supervision
Parents are currently being held without bail in the Laundry Room Detention Center, where they will remain until they apologize sincerely and stop asking, “Why are you doing this?”
Meanwhile, the suspect—described as small, fast, sticky, and fueled entirely by fruit snacks and has been left alone at home, free to operate without adult interference.
They’ll never take me alive.
Perfect. Thank you, Greg, for reminding me what is REALLY important. 😛
Cars, of course!