New PBS Lineup for Today’s America

Public programming that better reflects the public program

New writer alert!

Nuria Sheehan

is a queer writer who ended up in Kentucky with a pit bull and a pickup. She writes about the end of the world at

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Earlier this month, President Trump issued an executive order seeking to halt funding to PBS. The head of PBS called the move “blatantly unlawful,” setting the stage for a legal showdown between the most powerful man on Earth and the producer of Great Perfomances: will.i.am.

However, Chortle can exclusively report that the president is already applying his trademark deal-making to the problem, and is willing to reinstate PBS funding so long as the network agrees to air a few new shows that better reflect Trump’s America.

Finding Your Jackboots
Follow celebrity guests each week as they uncover and reclaim their true American roots. Season One kicks off with a Book of Life that reveals not one, but two Grand Dragon ancestors.

This Old Bunker
Generously funded by Shell, this is the apocalyptic home improvement show for the rest of us. Each episode delivers top do-it-yourself tips, from installing EMP shields to setting up a bamboo sewer system. Plus: what to know before hiring a private militia!

Call the TradWife
From the grueling backdrop of 2010s Brooklyn, this drama follows plucky gals as they exit the girlboss grind and call the TradWife—finding purpose and their ideal gut health on Utah’s high plains.

DOGEton Abbey
In this upstairs-downstairs drama set on Mars, DOGEton Abbey’s future is in turmoil after a SpaceX launch ends in tragedy, leaving only betas as possible heirs.

Rick Scott’s Europe
An essential guide for anyone considering travel outside our amazing 51 states. Join the Florida senator on an extremely realistic AI journey through the horrors of Europe, from rampant socialism to horrifically aging bodies on nude beaches, with barely a cheeseburger to be found.

America’s Test (of Survival) Kitchen
Master the perfectly seared squirrel.

Ken Burns presents January 6th
A riveting 59-part series featuring long, slow pans across legal documents, Facebook posts, and letters written from federal prison by modern-day American heroes.

Mr. Miller’s Neighborhood
An instantly beloved children’s show that reminds young people to “Look for the illegals.”

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