It's Anxious Girl Summer!
The vibes are immaculate this coping season.
New writer alert! Marie-Hélène Lebeault writes speculative fiction under her own name and everything else under various aliases. She lives in Quebec, quietly overthinking everything and making meaning out of metaphors.
Welcome to Anxious Girl Summer. It’s like Hot Girl Summer, but with more overthinking, fewer crop tops, and one (1) highly choreographed breakdown in a public restroom.
Here’s your week-by-week roadmap to self-discovery, self-sabotage, and selective social interaction this summer.
Week 1: Boundary Setting (a.k.a. Cancelling Plans)
Say yes to brunch. Cancel brunch. Feel bad. Reframe cancelling as self-care. Reward yourself with a croissant and a six-hour Reddit spiral about whether going back in time to kill baby Hitler would make you a fascist. Text “rain check?” and immediately turn off your phone. Repeat as needed.
Week 2: Romantic Adventure
Go on a date. Wear linen to seem effortless. Sweat through linen. Say “no worries if not” twelve times. Apologize for being late. Then for being loud. Then for having a personality. Offer to split the bill, then also offer to disappear from their life entirely. Ghost self.
Week 3: Journaling Era
Start journaling. Get overwhelmed by tone. Try to sound introspective but not unwell. Spiral. Rewrite in calligraphy. Burn journal. Cry at your own handwriting.
Week 4: Mystery Girl Vibes
Decide to become “mysterious.” Practice soft smiles in the mirror. Attempt sustained eye contact. Panic. Google “how to be enigmatic but not rude.” Buy crystals. Name one “Accountability.” Lose her immediately. Block yourself on social media to preserve the illusion of mystique.
Week 5: Cottagecore Meltdown
Buy fresh herbs. Arrange basil like a romantic gesture to yourself. Watch basil wither. Have an emotional reckoning over basil. Hold a funeral. Call it “melancholy chic.” Drink three cups of tea. Cry at the string quartet playlist you found on Spotify.
Week 6: Reinvention Arc
Cut bangs (immediately regret). Post vague quote on Instagram: “She remembered who she was and the game changed.” Regret instantly. Delete post. Download Duolingo. Learn three words in Italian. Consider moving to Florence. Don’t.
Week 7: Therapy Chronicles
Go to therapy. Apologize for being “too self-aware.” Accidentally therapize your therapist. Say, “That makes sense given your attachment style.” Watch their pen freeze. Tip 20% out of habit. Leave confused but smug. Reward yourself with overpriced chocolate from a local shop where the older woman definitely judges you.
Week 8: Final Form
Take yourself on a museum date. Bring an enormous water bottle. Carry a tote that says “Overstimulated but trying.” Main character energy at DEFCON 1. Linger too long in front of a moody impressionist painting. Whisper, “Same.”
Leave feeling healed. Or at least hydrated.
Congratulations. You’ve completed Anxious Girl Summer.
Hot girls party; anxious girls cry at dog commercials, apologize to houseplants, and know the exact temperature at which tea becomes therapy. Enjoy!
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I like this gal!
Crying bc how have 3, 5 and 7 already been me this week 📖🥰