Interview: Carl Tart on Haters
SNL’s newest writer sips on haterade.
Welcome back to Three Quora Questions, our series of interviews in which a guest expert joins me to field strange and interesting questions posed by actual human beings on Quora.com (the internet’s oddest knowledge repository).
Carl Tart once told me he has more haters than any comedian in Los Angeles. I’m pretty sure this was factually untrue, given that 1) Pauly Shore lives in Los Angeles, and 2) everyone loves Carl. I love him even though he does nothing but make fun of my favorite basketball team and occasionally pick me up off the ground. Even Lorne Michaels loves him!
Since Carl was recently poached away from Los Angeles by the most powerful comedy producer alive, I decided to ask him about haters to see if his perspective has changed.
Why are there so many haters?
CARL: Haters have been around since the beginning of time. There were hatin’ ass cavemen. One guy comes back to the cave after just killing a bison. He’s riding high. But little does he know, his neighbor in the next cave over killed a mammoth, and now the first guy’s wife is over at that dude’s place having mammoth ribs for dinner. Of course he’s hatin’!
Also, hating ain’t stopping anytime soon due to the surge in pregnancy during the pandemic. Hater-ass men and hater-ass women having hater-ass kids.
What does it feel like to prove your haters wrong?
CARL: Unfortunately, it’s unfulfilling. Haters will always win. Especially the more successful you become. Once, I got a good job, and I tried to gloat in my biggest hater’s face. He said, “Congratulations, I inspired you to work harder, and now you have a job.”
How should Meghan Markle respond to the haters?
CARL: Meghan Markle should force USA to reboot Suits. It won’t stop the haters, but we’ll all be better off if we can watch new episodes.
