Five Vacation Destinations to Escape Humanity

Your guide to blessed solitude.

Photo by Victor He on Unsplash

The end of summer is in sight, and it's been an exhausting one for many. If you feel like the last few months have pelted you in the face with news every day, you're not alone. This is the perfect time to plan a late-summer vacation, but it can be hard to truly get away — so take a trip to one of these not-so-hot spots, where there’s no cell reception and you're unlikely to encounter the thing most likely to ruin your vacation… another human being.

The Four Corners

Welcome to America's most underwhelming geographic landmark! Yes, you can avoid other people even at a place of theoretical note. The Four Corners monument marks the meeting point of Arizona, Colorado, Utah, and New Mexico, which sounds cool until you realize it's just two imaginary lines crossing in the buttfuck of nowhere. Impressively, that means you can stand in four states simultaneously while encountering roughly zero other humans who want to discuss cryptocurrency. If you want to sightsee without seeing people, this is the place to do it.

Pitcairn Island

With just 35 permanent residents, Pitcairn Island offers the ultimate isolation experience, given it has the fewest people of any populated territory on Earth! Most inhabitants are descended from HMS Bounty mutineers, proving that sometimes the best way to deal with terrible leadership is to sail thousands of miles away and start over — a lesson that feels increasingly relevant. Getting there requires a five-day boat journey from New Zealand, assuming you can catch one of the four supply ships that visit annually. Once you arrive, you'll discover that the island's total land area is roughly the size of Manhattan's Central Park, but with 8.4 million fewer joggers.

Gobi Desert

Spanning 500,000 square miles of magnificent emptiness, the Gobi Desert offers the rare combination of scalding days and freezing nights with virtually no human commentary on either. The Gobi's population density averages less than one person per square mile, which means you're more likely to encounter a camel than someone who wants to talk about the midterm elections. Pack supplies — the closest Starbucks is 1,200 miles away.

Antarctica

As Earth's least populated continent, Antarctica offers the ultimate escape from other people. The journey requires months of planning, costs roughly the same amount as a house, and involves signing waivers that say “if I die, it's on me.” But consider the payoff: an entire continent with zero chatty Uber drivers. Most of the locals are penguins who are refreshingly uninterested in world events, so your biggest social challenge here will be not getting eaten by a seal.

Mars

Looking for a destination that's literally out of this world? Mars offers the rare combination of stunning russet landscapes and zero cell towers. Our neighboring planet sits roughly 140 million miles away, meaning the journey itself provides years of blissful solitude in the cold vacuum of space. Upon arrival, you'll find a planet with zero permanent residents — for now. Best to visit soon, because some humans dream of spoiling this pristine isolation by exporting some of Earth’s worst innovations: cities, the internet, Elon Musk. Book now before the planet gets ruined by the same people who ruined it here.

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Special Shouts!

Big thanks to our newest paid subscriber, Shivaun N. In her subscription message, Shivaun mentioned that she loves to “chuckle, laugh, and even guffaw” — which means she’s in the right place!

Here’s an inspirational quote I made up just for you, Shivaun:

“In a world full of soups, may you always be a sandwich.”

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