10 Good Points That Aren't Worth Making
A list of useful tips that no one will listen to these days
Most of us want to be useful. That’s why, when we see people struggling with easy questions or laboring under obvious misconceptions, we try to help them out. But in today’s polarized culture, even good advice can be a lightning rod.
Don’t believe me? Here are ten good points that there’s no point in even making any more.
“That's not what the word ‘literally’ means.”
“Actually, Jesus never preached that. In fact, he spent a lot of time preaching against that very thing.”
“Sure, the special effects are great, but it's basically a rehash of the first two films.”
“You're wrong, and there are a ton of scientific studies to prove it.”
“Your children are really disturbing the other customers.”
“Alcohol absorbs water, so it’s actually impossible for a beer to be ‘thirst-quenching.’”
“If aliens traveled thousands of light years to impart an important message, they would not start by talking to YouTubers.”
“The signal isn't going to flash WALK any sooner, no matter how many times you frantically push the button.”
“Hold on, you can't shrug off this level of crime and still say you're for the rule of law.”
“Everything isn't about you.”
Special Shouts!
Editor’s note: Big thanks to our newest paid subscriber,
! If you’re in the mood for more humor, check out CT’s newsletter .
ALSO: I posted about this on Notes and Instagram a few days ago, yet somehow neglected to include an actual newsletter mention that… Chortle has surpassed 1,000 subscribers!
I really can’t express enough how grateful I am to everyone who reads. Maybe if I copy-paste that sentence a few more times?
I really can’t express enough how grateful I am to everyone who reads. I really can’t express enough how grateful I am to everyone who reads. I REALLY CAN’T EXPRESS ENOUGH HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO EVERYONE WHO READS.
In any event—thanks for being here. Here’s to the next 1,000!
MORE FROM CHORTLE
NASA's Asteroid Defense Plan, Revealed
Upon discovery of a doomsday asteroid on its way to destroying Earth, NASA will send a one million gigawatt radio wave to the universe, in every direction, encoded in all 7000 known languages with the message: “For the love of God, save our butts!”
An exclusive interview with the Booger from Trump's Desk
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The leather booth at Martin's Tavern makes a soft schlorp as my interview subject settles in across from me. He's smaller than I expected, barely visible against the dark upholstery, but his presence in the capital's power circles is outsized.
 | A guest post by
|
Regarding point #8, I think it's weird cousin would be "waggling your fingers under the faucet as the water runs will NOT make the temperature of said water either colder or warmer (depending on your need) no matter how long you waggle them. I'm ashamed to say I did my own research based on personal experience...
For #8, totally agree… but speed-tapping elevator buttons still DOES work, right?