You Just Got Punk'd, Western Civilization!
It's been your boy Ashton Kutcher the whole time...
What’s up?! It’s your boy Ashton Kutcher here, and guess what… the entire reality surrounding you for the last decade has been an elaborate prank for my MTV show!
YOU JUST GOT PUNK’D!
That’s right, if it seems like nothing around you makes sense anymore, that’s probably because I’ve been manipulating geopolitics from my rolling HQ in the back of a moving van. And I got you guys good, didn’t I?
Where do I even start? Ok, you know Donald Trump? Not really the president. He’s not even a real guy. That character was actually a collaboration between our makeup team and the hilarious Dax Shepard.
What happened was, after Punk’d got cancelled in 2007, my team and I spent several years figuring out how we could possibly top our own epic prankery. Then it hit us: engineer the downfall of Western civilization via a confluence of nationalism and corporate greed.
Legendary, right?
In 2016, we manipulated the US presidential election results by hiring a team of computer-literate production assistants to game Facebook’s algorithm, then we covered our tracks by setting up a fake “Russian” hacker farm to take the fall. Gotcha, bitches.
COVID was us, too, and the whole thing ended up being way funnier than we could have ever hoped. I’ve gotta give it up for the “bat” who started it all—my pal, Wilmer Valdereama!
Here’s another good one: Elon Musk has actually been dead since 2008. The version you’ve seen on TV is actually an advanced 3D computer simulation designed by the team at MTV News. (They all got laid off several years ago, so sorry if it’s been going a little crazy lately.)
I know some of you are probably pretty mad right now. But we really thought you’d figure it out when we invented ChatGPT. I mean, it’s a “genius AI” that can’t spell the word strawberry! How much more obvious could it be that the world around you is one big joke?
Anyway, huge thanks to the crew, huge thanks to MTV, and huge thanks to you guys for being such good sports about the collapse of shared reality.
Now, stay tuned for a new season of Wild ‘N Out, where Nick Cannon and his hilarious hip hop improv crew pine for simpler days!
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Now it all makes so much more sense!