Which Sesame Street characters would turn cannibal?

It's a perfectly reasonable question.

As an adult person raising a baby person—colloquially known as a parent—my media diet is a mess. I flip back and forth between Bluey and Cars. The only music I listen to is inanely-named children’s folk. I’ve read Chicka Chicka 1-2-3 more times than I can count (keep in mind, this book taught me to count to 100).

I don’t have very much time for grown-up stuff apart from “chores” and sleep,” but I did manage to recently finish The Terror, Dan Simmons’s 800-page masterpiece of historical fiction. (This took me a mere three library renewal periods to complete.) It follows the lost 1845 Arctic expedition led by John Franklin, which succumbed to the frozen elements, cannibalism, and (in Simmons’s fictionalized version) a big scary monster.

The Terror had me gripped with suspense even as it wrestled with questions about the nature of humanity. It’s the kind of book that stays with you for days or even weeks, even as you, say… watch endless episodes of Sesame Street to keep your two-year-old from noticing that his last teeth are coming in and screaming directly in your ever-loving face about it.

All that’s to say, it’s **completely natural and not weird** for me to wonder: if stranded in the Arctic Circle or some similarly dire survival scenario, which Sesame Street characters would turn cannibal???

You might be thinking this is a question no sane mind would ask. I might agree.

But Cookie Monster is definitely going cannibal! Eating things that he’s not supposed to is Cookie Monster’s entire raison d’etre. He wouldn’t even have to be hungry to do it.