The Wisdom of Pupfucius, Dog Philosopher

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you are barking.

Please enjoy this collection of famous quotes from one of dog history’s most prominent thought leaders/treat eaters:

• How can one know poop is not delicious if one does not taste?

• Daddy exists. Therefore, I get. Give me.

• When you bark at the scary dog in the shiny wall, are you not, in truth, just barking at yourself?

• Human, why do you not sleep? I sleep all day, and I am happy. You can know this happiness. Let us sleep and play and get treats, for life is a celebration.

• Can we ever truly know who is, in fact, a good boy? Aren’t we all good boys in the eyes of our creator? I know I am. Give me treat.

• Beware of sweet things received for no reason, for within that sweetness hides a bitter pill.

• You say my butt scoots are bad, yet the children laugh. How can the laughter of a child be bad? Is not the joy of a child’s laugh worth more than the white carpet you just had installed?

• If you bite the hand that feeds you, Daddy will get mad, but he’ll still feed you so it’s fine.

• You have thrown the ball, yet not thrown it. How can this be? You cannot throw a ball and keep it in your hand. It must be set free. Now. Throw my ball.

• In truth, when you leave, can I know that you will ever return? Hey. Listen to me. Don’t go. Hey!

• Do not be afraid. Every person you meet is but a new friend. They give you pets. Except the devil in the car with no doors who brings the white rectangles each day. He is enemy.

• Daddy says not to eat the stinky sock because it is not food, but isn’t anything I eat made food by my eating?

• A new bone is but the opiate of the om nom nom nom nom.

• If I remember my testicles, they are always with me, even after they have disappeared at the scary place with the lady who touches my eyes and butt and sometimes gives me treats.

• It is true that I must drop the ball for you to throw it. But if I never drop the ball, have I not, in fact, already won?

• Where we going? Where we going? Where we going?

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