Sorry I’m Late, the Strait of Hormuz Is Closed

We're all feeling the effects.

Guest writer alert! Connor Adams is a writer based in NYC, his work has appeared in Chortle, Points In Case, The Weekly Humorist and more.

Ugh, what a morning. Sorry, I am late for work, but with the Strait of Hormuz closed, it is really throwing everything off. You guys get it, right? I’m surprised you all got to work on time with the strait and everything.

I mean, we all know the Strait of Hormuz is a very important strait. I think it is actually my favorite strait. That’s why I am so annoyed it was the thing that made me late for work today! I couldn’t even traverse the UAE territorial waters, which is usually how I get here when traffic is bad on the interstate.

Todd, I know I owe you that Q3 report on the Hayes account, but I assume you watch the news? You must have figured out that because of the disruption of fertilizer shipments through the Strait of Hormuz, getting this stuff done isn’t as simple as it was a few weeks ago.

And don’t even get me started on the possibilities of mines in the strait, am I right guys? How can anyone be expected to work under these conditions?

Jenny, that’s why I wasn’t able to follow up about those invoices. I just didn’t feel comfortable submitting them until the sea lanes between the Persian Gulf and the Arabian Sea are sorted out.

Sorry, my wife is calling. One second.

Hey babe. No, I didn’t pick up the laundry. Did we not just talk about the Strait of Hormuz being closed? You expect me to pick up laundry when the energy market in India is in absolute shambles right now? Because of the Strait of Hormuz? It’s like you’re not even looking at those satellite readouts from the Department of Defense, babe.

Listen, I can’t talk right now. I’m at work, and I think we are about to start brainstorming on ways to plan Janet’s retirement party. But plastics shipments are only moving through Gulf of Oman with sky-high maritime insurance costs, so I’m not sure how much help I’ll be.

Sorry about that, guys. Anyway, I’m going to have to take off. I could only get a morning tee time at the club, given the delicate situation with the Strait.

You guys let me know when the project is in good enough shape for me to look at, and I can send over notes—depending on what the Joint Chiefs of Staff describe as the operating conditions in the region.

Great! Have a good day, everyone! And if you want my advice, stay away from the Strait of Hormuz!

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