Scientists Observe Vibe Shift
Researchers measure first instance of optimism since 2023.

Researchers at multiple institutions reported an abrupt shift in vibes that occurred late Tuesday evening, sometime between 11 p.m. and 2 a.m. EST. The vibe shift appears to have originated in and around New York City, though scientists caution that it is still too early to determine the exact nature of this karmic realignment.
“Our internal energy readings rose from ‘doom spiral with no bottom in sight’ to ‘maybe there could be hope someday,’” said Dr. Sarah Chen, lead researcher at the Berkeley Lab for Aura Studies. “It’s a subtle but measurable difference.”
The shift was first detected by Chen’s team using standard mojo frequency analysis, which measures the number of angsty screams that reach the thermosphere in parts per million. Her team recorded a drop in readings over the previous week, in which the overall vibes had been classified as “fucking bruuuutal.”
Not all experts agree on the nature of the change, though. A Harvard laboratory led by Dr. Leon Webb has been tracking what they call “hope particles.” These microscopic units of optimism have remained below the established detection threshold for most of 2025.
“We’re not seeing a measurable uptick in hope just yet,” Webb explained. “But the bummer curve is flattening. It’s way too early to call this the end of our collective flop era, but preliminary data suggests we may be, tentatively, so back.”
Dr. Yuki Tanaka of MIT’s Energy (but not that kind) Research Initiative takes issue with both approaches. Her team uses a proprietary algorithm that measures ambient despair levels adjusted for the dog adoption rate. “This isn’t about good vibes going up,” she says. “For now, they’ve just become louder than the bad ones. It’s a lateral shift, not a true improvement.”
Despite these disagreements, all teams concur that there is a difference. The Berkeley lab recorded its first instance of cautious optimism since late 2023, though Chen emphasizes this doesn’t mean the collective mood has entered positive territory.
“We need to be very clear,” Chen said. “We have not achieved ‘good vibes.’ We’ve merely shifted from ‘absolutely cooked’ to ‘potentially salvageable.’”
Scientists will continue global monitoring for possible vibe-influencing events, such as future elections, possible Supreme Court rulings, and whether or not certain high-profile figures drop dead like we all want them to.
“We’ll be cautiously watching over the next few months,” Webb said. “This period will be critical for determining whether this is a genuine energetic realignment, or merely a temporary spike in cope.”
MORE FROM CHORTLE
BREAKING: Something Worse Is Happening Tomorrow
We interrupt our ongoing coverage of today’s emergency with late-breaking news from the field: something worse is going to happen tomorrow.
College President: We Need More Guest Speakers We Don’t Need
Free speech is increasingly threatened by forces not beyond us but those within. For too long, our students have been educated by those who’ve waltzed in here merely through years of experience and peer-reviewed scholarship. Now is the time to look beyond our purely decorative high-security gates. Now is the time to invite more guest speakers we don’t need.





I don’t know what kind of science this is BUT I LIKE IT.