Postgame Interview with Dad
Mom's out of town and Dad just put up an MVP performance.
Sideline Interviewer: Folks, I’m standing here with local dad Greg Nix, whose wife has been out of town on a work trip for two weeks. Greg, you’ve successfully kept your child alive all by yourself for fourteen days. Some are calling this an all-time fatherhood performance. How do you feel?
Greg: Uh, you know, I’m tired, but I feel good. It’s been a long journey to get to this point, obviously. But I couldn’t have done it without my teammates: my son Theo, Mack the dog, plus all the preschool teachers and DoorDash drivers who helped us along the way.
Sideline Interviewer: It didn’t always look like you’d both make it through in one piece. Did you ever doubt yourself?
Greg: Oh, for sure. Somewhere around our sixth cumulative hour of watching YouTube videos of garbage trucks, I wondered if I really had what it takes for this kind of high-level parenting. But it turns out you just have to believe in yourself and install some distracting apps on your phone. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!
Sideline Interviewer: Walk us through your nutrition program.
Greg: Look, I’m not going to sit here and pretend every meal was a balanced plate. Did the kid technically survive on pretzels and fruit snacks? Yes. But he never went to bed hungry. Not once. Trust the process.
Sideline Interviewer: Your bedtime routine became somewhat of a story unto itself down the home stretch. Can you address that controversy?
Greg: All I can say is “haters gonna hate.” I told Theo we were reading two books. We read eight. I’m not going to apologize. It doesn’t take away from my performance out there.
Sideline Interviewer: Some of your critics say this isn’t that big of a deal and that plenty of parents do what you did all the time. What do you say to them?
Greg: I say, come walk a mile in my shoes! Actually, don’t. I’m out of clean socks.
Sideline Interviewer: What does this performance mean for your fathering legacy?
Greg: Look, I don’t think about legacy. But now that you’ve brought it up, I guess I am probably going to lose my shit if I don’t get a Dad of the Year mug for Father’s Day.
Sideline Interviewer: What's next for Greg Nix?
Greg: Honestly, I’m just looking forward to taking some time off and spending no time with my family.
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MVP! MVP! MVP! MVP!
Well done, Greg! You've earned that mug.