Hi,
This is an automated response. I’m currently out of the office taking a scheduled break from existence. I am not currently receiving messages, push notifications, or sensory input of any kind.
After extensive consideration, I decided that a standard vacation would not provide the level of respite that I require. Given our daily cascade of global events that can only be described as “the terrors,” I narrowed my choices for time off to two different escapes:
A seven-day Alaskan cruise with no wifi.
A temporary cessation of consciousness within a vast, empty void—in which there is no light, sound, tactile sensation, or President of the United States.
I chose the latter.
During my absence from the material plane, please contact Tevin regarding quarterly reports and budget projections. Or don't—the universe will continue its relentless expansion toward entropy regardless of our performance against forecast.
I will return to corporeal form and resume normal email correspondence when I can once again bear the thought of further existence, or when my PTO runs out on Thursday, whichever comes first.
Back Indie Media!
Editor’s note: It’s HARD being an independent publisher in 2025. The only funding we can rely is on what readers like you contribute. That’s what keeps Chortle editorially independent AND financially independent. And that’s important in a world where MOST messages online come from corporate interests or powerful political forces.
All of this led me to team up with some fellow indie publishers for the Back Indie Media Drive, running all through September.
I know you’re an indie media supporter because you’re here. Now, I’m asking you to help ensure Chortle continues existing for the long haul. Become a backer of our work for $70/year.
Want to go even further? Skim through all of the publishers in the Indie Media Drive and choose ONE other to become a paid supporter of too. It’s (hopefully) a small impact on your wallet and it’s a MASSIVE help towards keeping actually independent media alive.
MORE FROM CHORTLE
New Ways to Tear the Country Apart
If there’s one thing at which the United States excels, it’s being divided. There was once a whole war about it! These days, we see it most obviously along left-right political lines, which leaves many Americans wishing that Democrats and Republicans could collaborate as well as Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni.
Our Incredible Technology Is Only Racist Sometimes!
Dear Valued Investors and Transportation Pioneers,
The future is here! You now have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to invest in flying car technology that will revolutionize transportation and only occasionally suggest the systematic extermination of Jews.
Hope it's OK if I use this for future OoO messages.
We don’t say enough about Tevin.