New writer alert! Howard Tseng has had stories accepted by Tales to Terrify, Queen’s Quarterly, Seize The Press, The Temz Review, FOLIO Literary Journal, and Another Chicago Magazine. He is an immigrant househusband in Toronto cared for by his wife and teenage son.
When transitioning from one plane of existence to the next…
Do proceed immediately to one of the many judgment booths. The lines could take another lifetime or two to get through.
Don’t be overly fearful of the possibility of going to hell. If you can read this, chances are, you have just been through one.
Do feed the animals and avoid stepping on the insects. As they’re much more likely than you to be headed for a new life as an average human, they could really use some pampering and respect while they can still get it.
Don’t move the plants. Their reincarnation process is much simpler and will be processed in bulk by our dedicated staff.
Do reminisce about the good of your past life. Your first love, your best friend, the spouse you divorced at the right time, etc. This will very likely be your last chance.
Don’t spend all your time on the previous Do. The flashbacks you have shall be reviewed in preparation for the judgment booth.
Do mean what you say when answering your judge.
Don’t irritate your judge. While they may appear cordial, even gullible, they are extremely short-tempered.
Do stand very still when the judge probes you for truth with the long, innumerable, all-sensing tendrils wriggling from their mouths into yours, into every little penetrable hole of every one of your organs and brain cells. You wouldn’t want to be probed again.
Don’t forget to drink the Soup To Forget. No one would wish to become, in the next life, a claustrophobic mole or a ghost who’s afraid of ghosts.
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On Fridays, I hear the LTH runs a killer deal on a 1/2 sandwich and cup of clam-chowder-to-forget.
printing and laminating this checklist to take with me for an efficient liminal transit hall experience!