Let's Rewrite Some "Lazy" Clickbait
What are idle people really spending their money on?
I got clickbaited. That’s the simplest way to describe what happened when the sponsored post you see above caught my interest. I don’t normally consider myself lazy, but I love to melt into my couch as much as anyone… so I guess I simply had to know the answers. At least, that’s the only explanation I can think of for how I ended up reading this boring, confusing article.
First of all, despite advertising a list of “8 Things” that “Lazy People” spend money on, the headline of the actual post is “The 7 Dumbest Things We Keep Spending Money On,” and the list itself only contains SIX items. Given that numerical discrepancy, I’m not sure anyone should be taking financial advice from this publication.
Beyond that, the list has nothing to do with lazy people. It mostly advises readers to avoid banking fees and high-interest credit cards.1 That’s sound advice, perhaps, but ultimately unrelated to my core question: What are lazy people wasting money on?!?!
After extensive research (lying on the couch) interrupted by abstract brainstorm sessions (napping), I’ve concocted my own list.
Lazy People Keep Spending Too Much Money on These 8 Things
Velvet sweatpants.
Luxury bean bag chairs.
Novelty glasses that make it look like their eyes are open while they’re asleep.
Ubers to places within walking distance.
Helicopters to places within bicycling distance.
Complicated efforts to recreate the Wallace and Gromit breakfast machine.
That thing from that place, I dunno, I’m too tired to look it up.
Netflix.
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And, of course, tries to sell some very specific solutions.
Is this some kind of warped test? I didn't click on "this boring, confusing article." So I think I passed. Quantum.
Greg,
I hold you in high esteem—roughly first-grade-teacher-yelling-“Recess!” level—but you missed your own point.
You are the seventh dumbest and eighth laziest person for reading this. Perfect quantum numbering. (Say quantum and people assume you’re smart.)
If you avoid banking fees, you don’t bank. Fees are everywhere. The only true solution is an off-grid cabin in Alaska and seasonal hibernation. Epitome of lazy.
Avoiding high-interest credit cards does matter—except there are no low-interest cards, aside from my Starbucks card. Every morning, in Starbucks, I sit there with my laptop, pretending I have a job and a relationship, watching Indiana win in football for the 100th time.
That’s what lazy people spend money on. You missed the nuances in your article. Shame. on you.