It's me, another damn week!
Good morning, sunshine. That snooze button won’t help…
Wazzzzuuuuupppp!!! Good morning, sunshine. That snooze button won’t help… Another week is here!
I know, I know: you barely made it through the last one. Well, tough luck. Time only moves in one direction, and for the last 2300 years or so, humanity has agreed to partition that ceaseless forward march into seven-day segments. Which means…
IT’S MONDAY! Fweh fweh fwehhhhhhhh!
Time to haul that rickety skeleton of yours out of bed and do whatever godforsaken thing you’ve been avoiding thinking about all weekend. Want to spend twenty minutes looking at your phone? Too bad! That’s Friday behavior!
Mondays are important. They’re about planning. Accomplishment. The stock market. The Voice. Mondays are for looking ahead, and you have a lot to look forward to this week.
Of course, most of it will come after four days of bullshit. But still!
Why are you putting a pillow over your head? You can’t hide from me! I am a new week, and I am everywhere. I am on your calendar and in your social media feed. I’m in the traffic on your way to work and in your boss’s sign-off at the end of your first meeting. Without me, you have no weekday lunch specials! No drivetime radio!
THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD AND HIS NAME IS FATHER TIME!!!
…
Sorry, sorry. Sometimes I get carried away on Mondays.
Honestly, I don’t even like them that much. A new week has too much power over everyone’s well-being, you know?
…
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You really should get up, though. You’re super late.
Here’s a question for you
Substack is really pushing its audio functionality, which allows for the easy recording of a voiceover track to accompany each post. I was curious whether you, fine readers, would be interested in that sort of thing.
(To be clear, this wouldn’t be an additional post. More like a short podcast version of the day’s Chortle email.)
I love the Monday morning alarm clock!! That’s one of the funniest!! Maybe because I relate to that!! I think of all the things I have to do all week on Mondays!! But one thing I love about Monday is I have a bridge game to go to in the afternoon, so they are not so bad!!😂😂😂