9 Comments
User's avatar
Lee Bacon's avatar

Maybe it's time to start auditioning other birds for the job. Maybe the turkey? That was Benjamin Franklin's preference.

Expand full comment
Greg Nix's avatar

I’m thinking a mockingbird is the perfect representative combination of loud and annoying.

Expand full comment
Jonathan Silver's avatar

Or Sesame Street's Big Bird? Where is Chortle's voting system?!

Expand full comment
Greg Nix's avatar

Big Bird is a small child, you sicko.

Expand full comment
Sara Castaneda's avatar

I want to personally apologize bald eagle. Yeah, you and your brethren don't really get to vote on whether you want to continue representing us or how we treat you and the wildlife areas you live in. Or even that we totally recognize you as you. We should probably just choose what our leader represents, uneducated, paranoid, narcissistic, 5 year old bully. But that's rude to 5 year olds. Sigh.

Expand full comment
Greg Nix's avatar

I’ve asked a bald eagle for its official response: “Caw.”

Expand full comment
Stephen D Forman's avatar

As someone who's losing his hair, I understand what you're going through. But listen, Bald Eagle, there are treatments now-- some are so invisible, no one will know! You'll be your old self again soon enough : )

Expand full comment
Greg Nix's avatar

As the eagle's editor, I can confirm that I deleted an entire paragraph about how white feathers in no way constitute baldness.

Expand full comment
Robin Darling's avatar

homeschooled!

Expand full comment