Clark Kent joins Substack
Why I'm leaving the Daily Planet.
Well, here I am. After years of dedicated reporting at The Daily Planet, I’ve decided to join the other high-profile reporters who have chosen to leave newspapers behind and launch my own Substack newsletter.
Legacy media is dying, and it’s no mystery why. The big outlets have lost touch with the concerns of everyday people. Take Metropolis, for example: there’s no longer a single functioning phone booth in the entire city. Does The Daily Planet want to cover this? Of course not.
Another example: a few months ago, I pitched a story about the alarming influx of kryptonite in the city. Where’s it coming from? And why does it keep ending up in industrial freezers or suspiciously large lead briefcases? Yet, instead of pursuing answers, my editor told me it wasn’t “relevant.”
Really? Not relevant? To whom?
For years, I’ve been proud to work alongside some of the best journalists in the business. But increasingly, I’ve felt constrained by the corporate interests that dominate modern newsrooms. Too many editors worry about LexCorp advertising deals instead of empowering reporters or overlooking their constant unexcused absences.
This newsletter will be a space where I can report stories without fear or favor. You’ll get my unfiltered, uncompromising perspective—whether I’m writing about government overreach, city council debates, or giant lasers pointed at the moon. I’ll even cover the news that others are scared to, like the very real questions about Aquaman’s immigration status.
But I can’t do this alone. Paid subscribers will get exclusive content—deep dives, live Q&As with famous villains, and behind-the-scenes looks at my personal life as a human being who was born on Earth. Your support doesn’t just fund great journalism—it’s a vote for truth, justice, and the American media.
Finally, let me be clear about one thing: this newsletter is not affiliated with Superman. Yes, Superman and I share a few mutual acquaintances. Yes, I’ve been known to turn up at the scene of a crisis almost as quickly as he does. It’s called coincidence, people. (However, I can exclusively report that Superman will be launching a podcast on YouTube next month.)
Stories have power. I’ve got a feeling the ones I tell here will be more powerful than a locomotive. Thanks for coming on the journey.
Special shoutouts to Chortle’s most recent paid subscribers: Mercy, Nancy, and Randy! I appreciate you being with us.
Those three are entered into our monthly raffle, and you could be, too! We’re giving away ten fun holiday magnets to paid subscribers. Upgrade before November 30th, and you’ll be automatically entered to win!
Upgrade now to get your first 30 days for free.
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Going to read Chortle before "the news" from now on. Lois Lane Nancy
This is so funny!! Clark Kent was a part of my growing up and became an action figure before it’s time!!!😂😂😂😂😂