Signs You're on the Desert Planet Arrakis

If the recent heat wave has you confused about your interstellar location, this guide should help.

About half of Americans spent last week in an “extremely dangerous and record-breaking” heat wave. This is unfortunate for a holiday weekend, but on the bright side, this will likely be the coldest summer of the rest of our lives.

Wait, that’s not a bright side? Hmm…

Things are heating up here on planet Earth. Every day we move incrementally closer to becoming a world full of sand dunes — which will be very confusing since there is already a well-known sand dune planet out there!

If someday in the future, you wake up in an endless desert and wonder which planet you’re on, this is the guide for you.

Signs You're on the Desert Planet Arrakis

• It’s hot.

• You are beautiful.

• Everyone around you is beautiful.

• Everything around you is beautiful.

• You have sand in your ass.

• Javier Bardem thinks you’re God.

• Zendaya begrudgingly puts up with your bullshit.

• You have sand in your mouth.

• Your accent is of indeterminate origin.

• Public transportation is reliable and eco-friendly.

• You’ve mastered the art of squinting.

• Your mom wears too much makeup.

• You’re destined to fulfill a carefully cultivated theocratic prophecy.

• Your sister is weird.

• Your eyes are blue. (They have sand in them.)

• You are Austin Butler.

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