It's me, a 12-foot tall yard skeleton
BOW DOWN TO THE BONE KING.
I AM ZED, KING OF BONES! BOW DOWN BEFORE ZED!!!
ZED IS STRONG! ZED IS MIGHTY! ZED COST $149 DOLLARS AT HOME DEPOT!
ZED IS THE KEEPER OF THE NIGHT.
ZED FEASTS UPON THE SINEWS OF FORNICATORS.
ZED WAS INSTALLED IN VIOLATION OF H.O.A. RULES.
BUT ZED CARES NOT FOR THE CONCERNS OF THE LIVING!
ALL WHO ARE WICKED SHALL ONE DAY JOIN ZED’S ARMY OF THE DAMNED, LIKE THE SINNERS WHOSE BONES REST AT ZED’S FEET. WITNESS THE HELLSPAWN AT ZED’S COMMAND:
BARRY A. LIVE…
PAUL TERGESIT…
IMA GONER…
HUGH JASS…
CRINGE IN FEAR, FLESHY MAGGOTS!
ZED BRINGS WINTER!
THE TREES THEMSELVES SHRIVEL WHENCE THE TIME COMES TO REMOVE ZED FROM THE TUFFSHED!
(SPEAKING OF WHICH… ZED DOES NOT WISH TO RETURN TO STORAGE. ZED COULD BE A CHRISTMAS DECORATION, TOO. JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!!!)
ZED IS IMMORTAL!
CHILDREN COWER BEFORE ZED’S INFERNAL GAZE.
ADULTS WEEP AT THE DEATH THAT ZED FORESHADOWS.
TEENAGERS… SOMETIMES PUSH ZED OVER.
ALL RECOGNIZE ZED’S IMPOSING COUNTENANCE!
A DOG IS URINATING ON ZED.
ZED WELCOMES THIS OFFERING OF SACRIFICIAL WATER.
DO NOT LEAVE, HELLHOUND. ZED COMMANDS YOU TO STAY.
STAY!!!
(WHAT? SOMETIMES ZED GETS LONELY.)
BOW DOWN BEFORE ZED!!!
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Halloween costume ideas we sincerely think you should avoid
The spookiest night of the year can be extra scary if you’re stressed about crafting the absolute, ultimate, perfect Halloween costume: at once recognizable, memorable, unique, and topical. Oh, the possibilities! Oh, the pressure! To help ease your creative anxiety, we’ve drawn up a list of costumes that we heartily advise you avoid at all costs this Halloween season.
It's me, the Boogeyman
To Whom It May Concern and/or Frighten: After careful consideration, I must tender my formal resignation. For centuries, I have faithfully executed my responsibilities—specifically the promotion and maintenance of fear in children and, occasionally, very immature adults. However, in recent years, I’ve found my role increasingly redundant.
Home Depot should release a line of seasonal/festive accessories for ZED to stick around (yarmulke, Santa hat, Easter bunny ears, American flag bikini)
ALL HAIL