On my flight home from NYC on Monday, I spent the first 45 minutes trying to access the plane's wifi. The instructions onscreen led to a webpage that said the plane's ISP was down: "Corrupt." Meanwhile, my wife landed on some phishing site that immediately spammed her phone with ads. She literally had to power off her phone to escape the shitshow. I showed the flight attendant the error message, and she rolled her eyes so hard, the pilot had to re-level the aircraft.
"You have to turn on Cellular." Okay. "But turn *off* Wifi." Oh, off. "But now turn on Airplane Mode." Okay. "But now open a webpage and type 'Wi-fi' with a hyphen." Okay, but the network doesn't have a hyphen? "Right. And now that you've opened the page, turn *off* Airplane Mode. God, you're so old."
This is a completely sold out flight, so as a courtesy to other passengers we ask that you make your lap available for standbys. Actually, we’re not asking — we’re telling.
This is all spot on unfortunately. I’m sure all have plenty more to add after 24h of airline travel starting in a couple of hours! Probably related to barf bags, a freebie my children always require.
East Coast to New Zealand w/a 10 hour layover in San Fran! We did already get one funny freebie, which is a temporary llama tattoo for both girls. Because that's what everyone really wants when they're boarding an airplane!
I was just on a long flight from the US to Germany (not direct) and can confirm all of this. At the same time, I was flying without kids, so it still felt like a spa day.
In a couple of months, however, the whole family is flying from Munich to Newark. Pray for us.
On my flight home from NYC on Monday, I spent the first 45 minutes trying to access the plane's wifi. The instructions onscreen led to a webpage that said the plane's ISP was down: "Corrupt." Meanwhile, my wife landed on some phishing site that immediately spammed her phone with ads. She literally had to power off her phone to escape the shitshow. I showed the flight attendant the error message, and she rolled her eyes so hard, the pilot had to re-level the aircraft.
"You have to turn on Cellular." Okay. "But turn *off* Wifi." Oh, off. "But now turn on Airplane Mode." Okay. "But now open a webpage and type 'Wi-fi' with a hyphen." Okay, but the network doesn't have a hyphen? "Right. And now that you've opened the page, turn *off* Airplane Mode. God, you're so old."
This airline was in the news today, BTW.
Sounds like you had a great experience, relatively speaking 😬
That's why it pays to be a platinum member, Greg-- you get all kinds of perks, from free wifi, to early boarding, to landing gear.
Deluxe! I’ve heard “smart shoppers save,” but I didn’t realize it refers to your own life.
And if you need to take a shit - don’t. Hold it or pay us $15 per log to dispose of your waste. 💩
“$15 per log” is vivid imagery.
I just flew back from Bali and let me tell you - there were no logs in that toilet. All liquid.
tiny dog bowl lolol
This is a completely sold out flight, so as a courtesy to other passengers we ask that you make your lap available for standbys. Actually, we’re not asking — we’re telling.
We’ll even give you a $10 voucher.
… which can be redeemed for one (1) pretzel or one (1) peanut. Sorry, no substitutions.
If you need to use the washroom, don’t. Just don’t. Believe me on this one. Don’t.
This is all spot on unfortunately. I’m sure all have plenty more to add after 24h of airline travel starting in a couple of hours! Probably related to barf bags, a freebie my children always require.
24 hours?! Are you circumnavigating that globe and landing back home or what?
East Coast to New Zealand w/a 10 hour layover in San Fran! We did already get one funny freebie, which is a temporary llama tattoo for both girls. Because that's what everyone really wants when they're boarding an airplane!
Godspeed 🫡
Very funny.
Thank you!
I was just on a long flight from the US to Germany (not direct) and can confirm all of this. At the same time, I was flying without kids, so it still felt like a spa day.
In a couple of months, however, the whole family is flying from Munich to Newark. Pray for us.
I definitely luxuriated with my $15 dollar gin and tonic on the first flight away from the fam.