Times When Parenthood Actually Is a Contest

Others say it's not, but I'm better than them.

Healthy parenting isn’t a competition. That’s the conventional wisdom, anyway. But any parent who has actually, you know, parented has probably realized that you can’t help but get competitive with your spouse from time to time. After all, there’s only one other person on the job, which means you can’t exactly compare your performance to Ted from Marketing.¹

There are a select few situations in which it’s entirely appropriate to compete with your co-parent. Or at least that’s what I tell myself to justify my overwhelming competitive instinct when these circumstances arise.

• When the baby is crying and you’re both pretending to be deeply asleep.

• When you both get a cold from your kid, but one of you recovers more quickly.

• When one parent keeps getting urinated on and the other remains frustratingly piss-free.