Soiled Rag for President

An Urgent Message from Chortle PAC

Fellow Americans,

🚨 THIS IS NOT A DRILL. 🚨 Our democracy is UNDER ATTACK. There is ONLY one path forward to save our nation before it's TOO LATE. We need your support for the candidate who will save us from Donald Trump’s CATASTROPHIC decisions: a SOILED RAG.

Soiled Rag is an unconventional presidential candidate in that it is not a person, nor is it even sentient. This presents a CLEAR and OBVIOUS upgrade over President Trump, whose huge tariffs on imports function primarily as a MASSIVE TAX on everyday families. Soiled Rag may be encrusted with MYSTERIOUS FLUIDS, but it has NEVER purposely tanked the economy using middle school algebra.

The current administration’s aggressive efforts to DISMANTLE the government include ELON MUSK’S ongoing gutting of federal agencies. On the other hand, Soiled Rag, which we found discarded behind a DEL TACO, has never handed fiscal oversight to ANY billionaire.