Rotten Tomatoes ratings of Donald Trump and Kamala Harris

Finally, an easy way to understand the election.

So apparently Rotten Tomatoes was pretty pissed that I called their review of my dog “weird.” I got a phone call from their lawyer, who I thought was going to tell me to take down the post. But actually, they were weirdly passive-aggressive and basically told me, “If you think you can do better, YOU tell US what to review.”

First, I told them to stick to movies. But they insisted that cinema is dead, and I found that hard to argue with. Plus, as public confidence in American government crumbles, the Tomatometer is perhaps our most trusted remaining institution. So eventually, we agreed that Rotten Tomatoes would be doing a service to the nation if they aggregated reviews of our two presidential candidates.

Chortle, of course, agreed to print these reviews — for the good of the body politic.

---

KAMALA HARRIS

Synopsis: Kamala is just a plain ol’ vice president living with her lovable mixed-race family — until a crazy misunderstanding caused by her befuddled boss suddenly leaves her as the last line of defense from fascism! Does this crazy cat lady have what it takes? Or will her dingbat country drive her totally cocoNUTS?

Directed by: Corporate benefactors
Rated: G (good enough)
Genre: Whatever you want!
Run time: Officially? About two months and counting.

🍅 Tomatometer: 67%
Critics Consensus: Kamala Harris’s carefully crafted, feel-good story will delight audiences bored by the same old schlock—though some might wish for greater depth beneath the shiny surface.

🍿 Popcornmeter: 80%
Audience Says: Finally! A candidate who’s fun for all ages!

TOP CRITICS

David Sims, The Atlantic
“A lot better than the original - this is an important candidate that both parents and children need to vote for together.”

Richard Brody, New Yorker
“Mostly painless and often enjoyable. While she might not be Democrats’ best, she's also not their worst, and that's a much-needed win for the party.”

John Powers, NPR
“While this campaign has many strengths, the performances from its supporting cast are what truly make it special.”

AUDIENCE REVIEWS

“Not as whimsical as I like but she sure hit my emotional buttons the same.”
- Winifred C

“Joe Biden is definitely a banger, Kamala harris is not bad, but I think they just replicated the main part of Joe Biden.”
- Pedro H

“She was always of Indian heritage, and she was only promoting Indian heritage. I didn’t know she was Black until a number of years ago, when she happened to turn Black, and now she wants to be known as Black. So I don’t know, is she Indian or is she Black?”
- Don T

DONALD TRUMP

Synopsis: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the swamp… Retired president Donald Trump is called back into action when a widespread government conspiracy threatens to hold him accountable for the many crimes he committed. His only choice is to win the election—or make sure that no one does.

Directed by: Narcissism and Adderall
Rated: R-FL
Genre: Tragicomedy
Run time: He will never stop running until the day he dies.

🍅 Tomatometer: 32%
Critics Consensus: This bloated reboot of a 2016 cult classic is somehow even crazier than the original, but is likely too dreary and sagging to convert anyone who’s not already invested in the franchise.

🍿 Popcornmeter: 48%
Audience Says: Donald Trump doesn’t lack for ambition, but there’s nothing original here — and it'll be a tough watch for all but the most desensitized viewers.

TOP CRITICS

Peter Travers, ABC News
“The most absurd entry yet in the long-running franchise, and that’s saying something.”

Wesley Morris, New York Times
“It would be OK if Donald Trump were merely loud and dumb; that much is to be expected. The problem is that he’s also achingly mechanical.”

Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times
“A decent diversion, though watching feels like sustaining a head injury.”

AUDIENCE REVIEWS

“completely bonkers!!! fantastic!!”
- Holden P

“The dialogue was difficult to understand, the volume and the speed of it was off.”
- Steve D

“Hulk Hogan was the best part.”
- Nathan G

---

MORE FUN STUFF