It’s Me, a Dinner Your Kid Refuses to Eat
Why did you even bother?
Listen, I just wanted to let you know that everyone in the fridge is really proud of the effort you put into making a meal for your kid tonight. I’m well-portioned. I feature a broad array of food groups. I’m exactly the right temperature for a little mouth.
Just one question: Why did you even bother?
I mean, you knew there was absolutely zero chance that your kid was going to choke down a single bite, right? The laws of parenting are immutable: if you put more than five percent effort into a meal, it will be rejected. I know you’ve been playing a lot of make believe lately, but that’s no reason to apply it to dinnertime.
Oh, now you’re sprinkling some cheese on top of me? Nice thinking. What an extremely productive way to get your child to hate cheese. You should know by now that this kid eats cheddar sticks by the pound, but if it touches a vegetable it might as well be snail entrails.