"Join ICE"

Songwriter Jesse Welles says it all in less than two minutes.

Aug 12, 2025

The internet is full of crap. We all know this.1 And the craptastic tidal wave only grows with every passing day. That makes it all the more important to stop and appreciate any encounter with something great.

Here’s an example. This song feels like it was dropped into Jesse Welles’s head by the ghost of Woody Guthrie, and it’s more viciously hilarious than any dipshit podcaster who’s “just telling it like it is” could ever hope to be.

Give it a watch — it left me entertained, enraged, and encouraged all at once.

Here are the full lyrics:

Well, if you're looking for purpose
In the current circus
If you're seeking respect and attention
If you're in need of a gig
That'll help you feel big
Come with me and put some folks in detention

Just last week was kinda rough
I put a kid in cuffs and zip-tied a woman to a van
We can sneak around town
Hunting working folks down
I hear they get a great benefit plan

Join ICE
Boy, ain't it nice?
Join ICE
Take my advice
If you're lacking control and authority
Come with me and hunt down minorities
Join ICE

Well, I failed the academy
The cops weren't having me
The army didn't sound that fun
So, I found me a paramilitary operation
That was keen to hand me a gun

See: I got picked on at school
I never felt that cool
There's a hole in my soul that just rages
All the women turned me down
They told me I was a clown
Well, won't you look at me now
I'm putting folks in cages at ICE

They got great hours
Join ICE
For respect and power
They got a sign-on bonus of 50 grand
They're in need of you needing to feel like a man
Join ICE
Join ICE

And then there’s this…

As you may have heard (or seen), South Park is two episodes into a new season. Both episodes have been extremely vile takes on the Trump administration (that’s a compliment), and the more recent one was mostly about ICE.

South Park isn’t everyone’s flavor of comedy, but I’ve been loving these episodes in part because I really believe one of the most important tools we have at our disposal is to make these goons seem like embarrassing turds at every turn. Because that’s what they are! Never forget it.