12 Fearless Predictions for the Rest of 2026

Nixtradamus peers into his crystal ball

2026 is now seven months complete, and this year has felt like a quick one to me. I once read that each successive year actually does feel shorter relative to the previous one, because you’ve been living longer, so it’s a smaller block of time from your perspective. But this can’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that I’m about to turn 40… No, it’s everything else!

Consider the headlines this year. America deposed the president of Venezuela, and it feels like it happened decades ago. The Quad God fell down during the Winter Olympics — remember that? The Epstein files were highly redacted. We all learned about the Strait of Hormuz. Way too many people went to see that Michael Jackson movie. Nobody went to the Great American State Fair. The gosh-darned World Cup happened in three different countries. And now… Jimothy.

That’s enough news for a whole year, but there are still five months to go in 2026, and I think they’ll be similarly eventful. Here are my fearless predictions for the rest of the year. Centuries from now, perhaps scholars will study this document and call me Nixtradamus.

1. America will win the Iran War thirteen more times.

2. After the success of Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey, Universal Pictures will announce an adaptation of Oedipus Rex directed by Judd Apatow.