Does This Hat Make Me Look Old?

Or is it just all the other stuff about me?

Photo by Héctor J. Rivas on Unsplash

Excuse me, sir? Hi.

I was just trying on a hat over there in the corner of the store, and I was hoping you could give me an opinion on something…

Does this hat make me look old?

Or is it just my general behavior, appearance, and state-of-being?

I only ask because I’m not old, obviously. And I liked the hat when I saw it on the shelf. Plus, I’m worried about sun damage. (In a cool, young way.) But then I tried it on and looked in your mirror. Suddenly I felt like I was staring at Father Time himself.

Weird, right? What do you think?

I think it’s the hat!

Or maybe something is wrong with the lighting over there. Has anyone ever complained about the lights giving them bags under their eyes, or making their knees hurt? No?

I’m just really confused, because this wasn’t even the only hat I tried on. That whole pile of hats makes me look old! (Sorry I left them in a pile, things got a bit frantic.)

I mean, I guess it’s true that I don’t have a TikTok account. And I do feel a bit weird watching teenagers play college basketball these days. Heck, gun to my head, I could not tell you who or what a Dua Lipa is.

But I didn’t feel old this morning, when I was taking my vitamins! Or on the way here, when I was listening to NPR! And I won’t feel old tonight, as I fall asleep halfway through The Great British Bake Off!

…So it’s definitely the hat, right?

You know what, forget I asked.