Updated Christmas Carols for Millennials

Classic holiday songs reimagined for the doomscrolling generation.

Silent Night

Silent night, holy night,
All is calm, all is quiet.
Pop a gummy to help you doze.
Stream the Great British Baking Show.
Sleep thanks to THC,
Sleep thanks to THC.

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Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, jingle bells,
“Jingle All The Way.”
I watched it on TBS
Every holiday.

Jingle bells, jingle bells,
“Jingle All The Way.”
Hey, what happened to Sinbad?
Hope he’s doing okay!

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Feliz Navidad

Feliz Navidad!
Feliz Navidad!
Feliz Navidad!
My Duolingo membership expired.

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Deck the Halls

Deck the trucks with stainless steel,
E-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lon.
Make your incel buddies squeal,
E-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lon.
Don’t forget to spend your money,
E-la-la, E-la-la, sweet Elon.
On your new and precious honey:
Don Don Don Don Don, Don Don Don Don.

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It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,
Somewhere else, I pray.
’Cause here it is 88,
And I am not feeling great,
About the climate on this holiday.

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It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It’s the most wonderful time of the year,
‘Cause no one is Slacking, no emails are stacking,
My inbox is clear!
It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

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Home for the Holidays

Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays,
It’s so nice, it’s the place your parents own.
But be careful not to get laid off again,
Or you’ll once again be living in that home.

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