Ten practical uses for a Chortle hat

Chortle is selling hats - THIS WEEK ONLY!

I have an urgent announcement for Chortle readership—particularly those who are self-conscious about walking around with the tops of their heads completely naked…¹

We’re selling hats!

This week only, you can buy a stylish and sophisticated five-panel, Chortle-branded baseball cap for just $35. That means you can look exactly as good as the fine fellows below.

Models, clockwise from upper left: Dodge Greenley, Greg Nix, Theo Nix, some guy.

But wait! There’s more!

That’s not all. Every hat comes with a free 12-month premium subscription to Chortle. That means for $35 bucks, you get a hat, plus you can upgrade your free Chortle subscription, give someone else a gift subscription, or extend your current paid subscription.²

Personally, I think this is a pretty good deal. I mean, a snazzy baseball cap PLUS a funny post in your inbox every morning for $35?? If that’s not an excellent value, may the devil send me straight to heck!

That said, I recognize that fashion and humor are not prime motivators for every single buyer out there. Some people want something more tangible than that. That’s why I also put together a list of practical ways this hat can help you in your everyday life.

Ten Practical Uses for a Chortle Hat

1. Wear one backward to fool people into thinking you’re young and hip.

2. Use one as a vegan-friendly replacement for the goat horn in your Thanksgiving cornucopia.

3. Disguise yourself exactly as well as Captain America.

4. Swat at enough bugs to finally decimate the global bee population.

5. Buy one as a birthday present for me, because today is literally my birthday. (Truly! No fooling!)

6. Give one to your pet as a potential chew toy/anal wipe.

7. Catch a home run with one and make it on Sportscenter. (We need the exposure.)

8. Hang one on the wall, like the family heirloom it is.

9. Buy 101 hats and make the world’s most luxurious hat-skin coat.

10. Identify other Chortle readers in the wild—and thereby stay far, far away from the sorts of demented lunatics who pay for humor writing.

Orders close on Friday at midnight Pacific, so get yours in now! Click the button below to get started.

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Questions? Ordering issues? Let me know in the comments!

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2. Extensions of existing subscriptions will be dated 12 months from date of purchase.