Baseball Needs More Clocks

Welcome to America Week!

It’s America Week! Can you smell the bald eagle scat? *Snifffffff*

Every day this week we’re publishing a post about a different pillar of American culture or history. Today, one of my personal favorites: baseball.

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Major League Baseball changed forever when the league implemented a pitch clock in March 2023, which put a time limit on baseball for the first time in the sport’s 150+ year history. It was a controversial decision among baseball traditionalists, who thought a clock would ruin the familiar ebb and flow of the ol’ ballgame. Personally, I was surprised at how many of my friends hated the idea of a timer between pitches, despite the fact that the average MLB game had grown into a three-hour slog.

Fifteen months later, pretty much everyone has embraced the pitch clock. The average game length decreased by about twenty minutes last year, and has gone down another six minutes this season. The angry op-eds and social media posts have decreased as everyone realized, “Hey, baseball is more fun when it’s not unnecessarily slow!” Despite a few grumbles from pitchers and the players’ union, the pitch clock seems to have something like a 90% approval rating.

This is despite the fact that, in typical MLB fashion, the pitch clock is extraordinarily complicated. It’s actually a two-part clock, since the batter and the pitcher have different rules for when each has to be ready. And the amount of time changes if there’s a new batter, or if there are runners on base, or if it’s the postseason. It’s like if the NBA shot clock changed depending on the height of the players or something.

Yet MLB’s success with this intricate clock makes me think that baseball needs more of them. Viewership is still shrinking, the league is navigating a TV rights crisis, and increasing the number of clocks would be preferable to increasing the number of betting partners.

Just try telling me these clocks wouldn’t improve America’s pastime.

National Anthem Timer

Every game starts with the “The Star Spangled Banner.” Talk about predictable. Here’s my idea: From now on, in MLB stadiums across the country, we put a stopwatch on the Jumbotron during the song’s performance. The average length of the National Anthem is around 1:56, so if the singer finishes their version between 1:54 and 1:58, everyone in the stadium gets a free hot dog. BUT the singer is blindfolded — they can only gauge the time by their internal clock and the crowd’s reaction.

Imagine the tension building up to that glorious five second window. The singer listening for clues… the crowd respectful but breathless… and processed meat on the line. How can you not be romantic about baseball?

Manager Dash

We’re giving managers three seconds to get from the dugout steps to the pitcher’s mound for a pitching change. Otherwise, it’s an immediate ejection for both manager and pitcher. This helps with baseball’s pace of play initiative, as well as one of the league’s other recent goals: more action on the infield. The specific action here, of course, will include a lot of old men falling down. In other words, Must See TV.

The Wave Clock

The Wave Clock is two hours long and starts at first pitch. If any fan tries to start a round of the Wave before the clock expires, the visiting team gets a run, plus an additional run for every subsequent Wave.

I know that complaining about the Wave makes me sound like a cranky old jerk… because that’s what I am! Stop doing the Wave in the third inning! I’m trying to watch baseball, here! While I’m at it… Commercials are too loud these days! Music makes no sense to me anymore! I don’t understand TikTok!

Nick Castellanos Clock

This one I imagine as less of a clock, and more like a big sign in every stadium that looks like one of those days-since-accident counters. But in this case, it would be counting the number of days since Nick Castellanos hit an awkwardly timed home run during an otherwise somber moment. This clock is obviously inspired by Thom Brennamen’s infamous final moments on-air. Since then, Castellanos has homered during the eulogy of a World War II veteran, a Memorial Day tribute to fallen service members, and well wishes to a recovering stroke victim.

The man must be stopped! Or at least tracked!

I know this clock in particular may be controversial, and so I’d like to apologize to anyone I’ve hurt by discussing any—as there's a drive into deep left field by Castellanos and that'll be a home run. And so that'll make it a 4-0 ballgame.