Welp, ol’ Donnie Trump has gone and done tore up the White House.
You might think it’s impossible for there to be a more obvious metaphor of the way in which he’s personally destroyed basically every American political institution. But I take the business of political prognostication seriously—so here are some other moments of national disgrace that are almost guaranteed to happen in the near future.
The Lincoln Memorial spontaneously combusts.
The Grand Canyon floods with a mysterious ocean of blood.
A bald eagle kills Barack Obama.
California falls off the continent.
The Statue of Liberty quiet quits.
Fox News acquires the Smithsonian Institution.
The Washington Monument develops a sudden rightward lean.
Congress breaks up due to “irreconcilable differences.”
A NASCAR runs over an original copy of the Constitution.
The Liberty Bell gets deported.
America loses the World Series.
America wins the World Cup.
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